That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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