After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize