so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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