I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
