I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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