too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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