Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
