How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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