Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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