he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
