I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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