i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
