You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
