i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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