This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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