it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
