i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
