i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
