I CAN MOONWALK!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
