Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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