If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
