I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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