You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
