Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
