I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
