do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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