Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
