mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
