I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
