I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
