I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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