She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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