i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
