remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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