Your mouth is God's brothel.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
