PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
