Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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