woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
