He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize