I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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