dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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