I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
