how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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