Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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