I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
