the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
