Acid is not a monday night drug
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
