fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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