i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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