Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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