I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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