Well apparently he's into motor boating.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
