dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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