nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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