I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
