He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
