just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize