i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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