You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
