I am midnight drunk by noon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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