what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
