He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success