He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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