Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick