and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?