i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am one with the molecules
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories