i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2