i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"