My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
