So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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